Current Balance: $29,877.94
I recently read an article that stated 1 in 8 couples who file for divorce say student loan debt was the deciding factor. In fact the percentage was 13% of 800 adults who were surveyed, which is slightly more than 1 in 8. That statistic blew my mind. When I met my wife, I still had about $148,919 in student loans. I hadn’t made much of a dent in my original balance. By the time we got married a year and half later, my balance was $112,618. Thankfully, she saw my determination in wanting pay down my student loan debt as quickly as possible and has continuously been supportive of that decision, which is now partly her decision.
Every aspect of our financial well-being has been affected by my student loans. When we bought a house, we had to look at what we could afford based on my loan payments, as well as whether or not buying a house would prolong paying off my student loans. When we talked about having kids, student loans always came up, and it wasn’t just about how having kids would affect us financially, but also how we wouldn’t want our kids to suffer the same burden. This meant that my having student loans would prevent us from saving for our kid’s college soon after they were born and eliminating some of the benefits of compound interest. Almost every decision when it comes to finances, my student loans are brought up and discussed. Vacation? Student loans. New car? Student loans. Which daycare to use? Student loans. It can be exhausting, but my wife and I have found three things that help with reducing the stress student loans have on our marriage.
1. Communication
Communication is probably the number 1 thing married couples can do to improve their marriage regardless of whether they have student loans. You have to talk and you have to discuss those things that aren’t fun to talk about. Finances are not fun to discuss, but communicating effectively about your student loans and how they make you feel, whether stressed or trapped, is the most important thing you can do. You need to build that partnership mentality that you can tackle your student loans together.
To tell my wife I had six figures worth of student loans was not an easy conversation, and I’m surprised she didn’t bolt for the door when I told her, but she listened to my story, my plan for paying them off, and couldn’t have been more supportive. Through the years we’ve both felt like we are drowning in debt because of MY student loans. What we have found is that when one of us feels this way, the other does a pretty good job of making the other feel better by talking through it. Again, it’s not easy and you may still have some anxiety after the conversation, but you’ll feel better knowing you’re still in this together.
2. Taking Time for Each Other
Taking time for each other is another thing you can do to improve your marriage regardless of whether you have student loans, but it really helps in achieving your goal of paying off your loans. I’ve read a number of articles on couples that have gone to extreme measures to pay off their debt from not going out to dinner (ever!), turning down nights out with their friends and foregoing anniversary or birthday gifts. For me, you must have a certain mindset to be that extreme and most people, including me, are not built for that.
My wife and I love to travel and decided early on that my student debt would not prevent us from traveling. Thankfully, there are many ways to travel on a budget, and we’ve taken trips to New York, St. Louis, Nashville and even a trip to Italy. We have also had a few staycations where we stayed at a local hotel and went to a concert or had a nice meal. If you and your spouse don’t like to travel or if traveling is still not within your budget, you can always continue to have date nights one night a week. You’d be surprised how even that little time together away from all other distractions will not only help your marriage, but keep you focused in paying down your debt.
3. Celebrate the Victories
Nothing is sweeter than seeing a loan balance go to “$0” or your total balance get below $100,000 or $50,000, and yes, it’s worth celebrating. Order that dessert! Put that champagne on ice! Buy some fireworks! You deserve it. Your spouse deserves it. This is a time to celebrate what BOTH of you have accomplished. Paying off debt is not fun and it’s certainly not easy, but those valleys make reaching the peaks and paying off that one loan or reaching that certain threshold even sweeter. Celebrate those victories. Together.
Remember, paying off your student loans is a marathon, not a sprint. Your student debt will be something you carry with you for a long time (even after your pay it off!), and your marriage should not suffer because of it. These three things: communication, taking time for each other, and celebrating your victories may not create a divorce proof marriage, but they will go a long way in setting a solid foundation to ensure you remain focused on paying off your school loans.
